This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
