do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
