Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
