god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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