I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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