I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
