i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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