Pants 0. Shit 1.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
