I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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