It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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