i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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