and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
