watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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