How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
