u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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