Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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