I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
