I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
