the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
