she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think pants incapable of making pants work
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
