Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
