Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
