Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize