I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
