it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
