his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
