The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
