he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
