he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize