I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
