oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
