benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
