Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize