I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
