i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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