I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
