Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
