Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
