seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
