I think I am morally bankrupt
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
