Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm both gender and math confused
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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