Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize
