Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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