it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
