Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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