Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
