Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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