Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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