The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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