so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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