we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
