our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
