bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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