never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
