My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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