i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the day after is always just damage control
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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