this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
