why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
