Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
