WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
