i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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