wake up i wanna do it froggy style
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
