Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
