hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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