I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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